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March 12, 2013, posted by Crumbs.

THE GENERAL JOURNALS: DIARY OF A FRONTMAN... AND OTHER RAMBLINGS - Part 9

Machine Head

GRATITUDE

I was scrolling through my Instagram feed the other day, and I stumbled onto Randy Blythes page. Itd been a while since I last visited his page (sometimes I disconnect from all social media for a week or two just to get away from it all) so I checked it out and MAN! He has a REALLY good page!! If you didnt already know, Randy became an amateur photographer when he went sober; I'm assuming to keep his mind occupied. I remember he started taking photos of us around 2011 and he's good, he knows "what" to shoot and how to "frame it."

He's always been an inspired writer, great lyricist, and just a really all-around smart dude. But, the writing he's put up alongside the Instagram pictures while he was in Prague awaiting his trial... it's truly some of the most emotionally honest and raw writings I've come across in forever. It was so painful, almost uncomfortable to read. The rollercoaster of emotions he's been on, it's powerful stuff, everyone should read this.

http://instagram.com/p/Waoi24osr7/

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From Randy:
"Earlier today I walked across the Legion Bridge to see the Memorial to the Victims of Communism. It is a series of male statues going up a forested hill, each statue appearing to dissolve a bit more until only a single foot is left. It's an amazing memorial. I climbed up the stairs and looked back towards the Vltava River and Star Mesto ("Old Town" in Czech). This shot pretty much shows how I've been feeling for a whole now-torn in half, stuck in between two worlds, neither here nor there, waiting and watching for an answer to come, so that I can move forward again as a whole man. What direction I will move in, I do not know yet. Regardless, I am ready for the waiting to be over. I will move forward no matter what, and I will not be split in two anymore, no matter where I wind up. This is frustrating for me, but I am slowly learning to be a patient man. Life just happens. Deal with it."

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One of the last photos he put up, he spoke about how's he's been writing a "gratitude list." Basically a list of things he's "grateful" for. It reminded me that Genevra and I had once discussed doing this. We had gone to some classes to help us with patience when it came to the realities of raising kids. We were going through a rough time, it is the best-est-toughest job you'll ever have, and with both of us having come from dysfunctional families, we felt it would be a good idea to seek advice, learn some coping and additional parenting skills. They were great, very helpful, and one of the things they spoke about was the 'gratitude list'. To make a simple list of all the things you're grateful for.


"Big" things: Your kids health, awesome job at factory, tons of money, nice car, great sex...

To the "smallest": Healthy food, a heater that works in your house, at least one true friend...


Genevra and I had discussed doing this, but we never got around to making our lists, life just works like that sometimes.

I'm gonna make my first "gratitude list" tomorrow; I think I need that in my life right now. Inspired, in part, by witnessing Randy's ordeal/journey through Instagram and also in the fact that Ive been on the wagon for over 70 days now. Although I have "come up a bit short at times, its something that has been working for me during this really stressful past couple of weeks, months.

Ive realized that I think about having a drink everyday. Ill think to myself, its just to escape for a bit, but the truth is, I want to drink and I want to escape it all, all the time lately. It's crazy to me how much I think about it. Maybe I'll get to a place where I can control it again and have a few drinks and a little fun. But, maybe, I'll never be able to control it again and have to accept the fact Im better off without it. Who knows??! I don't.

But either way, there's always something to be grateful for.

What are you grateful for?


Randy's Instagram: http://instagram.com/drandallblythe


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